The "Trying to hard" Novel

I was in the bookstore the other day in one of my many attempts at finding a new author to follow. These days, I find myself in a rut. Often, the authors I have been following this past decade have emerged more decrepit and repetitive. They share the same plot lines from book to book, their novels spin into a carousel of long exposition that, to be honest, is hard to keep track of.

I digress.

I was in the book store, then I read the back of this novel. (Which I don't remember the name of) Then I read this fabulous storyline of a church centric fantasy and how the main character is recruited to be a soldier of faith, only to realize the lines become blurred as he learns more and more what it means to become a, "man of god."

Sounds cool right?

Then I flip over to the next page and, low and behold, I scurry the first few pages only to realize this guy writes like he's trying to impress someone. God, I swear this man would spout as many long-phrased adjectives in an attempt to sound smarter than the story would allow.

"The lavish, tepid cranium would saunter over to the verbose, staccato dank cherrywood “or other such nonsense that, obvious, cause this book to be published.

Is it absolutely necessary to pilfer one's novels with these ornate obscure words in a vain attempt to be seen as valid by your peers. I highly doubt the 15 year old who wrote Eragorn has some flaws, but look at the audience of his book.

I remember, WAYYY back in high school, my AP English teacher would advise to use as different adjectives as I could; almost echoing what, this man, obviously thought real writing is.

Needless to say, I put the book down, saddened that such an interesting storyline would be jacked by some inherent need to impress. I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU! I want to scream at that man! Don’t listen to what other people are telling you! Keep it simple. Keep it brief!!!

What compels the literary world in this incessant need to for three pages of DESCRIBING a leaf? Look, I understand “Leaves of Grass.” It’s appeal is broadened by the fact it goes into the natural world… but FANTASY is different. Fantasy is a storyline, emotion. And, while I agree there must be good established depictions of the world he has created… why go overboard?

What is it about fantasy novels these days and being required to be a certain word length? Often the advice is, If it’s shorter than this, it probably isn’t good. But when, if anything, has length determined quality. I can point you to 500k fantasy stories on the net that are complete garbage but, at the same time, I can point you to 1k stories that far exceed anything that might be plastered across some bookshelf.

I get pressure, I really do. To produce a novel in a certain amount of time, to be of proper length. But it becomes harder to sift through the nonsense and sometimes… I wonder how many real fans these guys really have.